“We have first raised a dust and then complain we cannot see.”
–Bishop Berkeley
Complaints are a simple cocktail: Squeeze one observation about reality, add a jigger of resistance, shake with attitude, serve on ice. Complaints are fun to sip and serve, but they’re easy to overdo. Avoid a hangover by turning complaints as observations.
My friend Ryan was talking about his work and I noticed that in place of complaint (my favored mode), he opted instead for sober observation:
The client requests are difficult to understand
We're blocked by a lack of direction on this brief
The client is overdue on payment
Each point, though representing real friction for him, was un-weighted by judgment. He seemed un-weighted too. It was a simpler story.
"The production team moves slowly" is an observation.
"I hate that the production team moves so slowly" is an observation soaked in the vinegar of attitude.
Cross-examine your resistance. You might not have beef with the universe. Those superlatives might be pure corn syrup. Uncrusted of complaint, that story might become:
"The production team promised something you hoped would be ready sooner."
When you consistently express reality in complaint, you reinforce the notion that the world is broken. Sure, there is darkness in the world but darkness is not the same as evil. Yes, there is friction in your life, but you need a little friction.
Observations tell a story about the universe, but a complaint is a story about you. And you are enough. You don’t need a mixer.