Don’t worry about conversations before you have them

What matters is that you’re communicating

“Love without conversation is impossible.”
–Mortimer Adler

Hi there, it’s V, putting aside the lofty voice of Microprinciples Microgod because this principle is mostly for me. I mentioned elsewhere that these notes start as hastily-scribbled Post-Its slapped on my wall. In that sense, they are principles and to-dos.

This means I am telling myself to turn off the firehose. I am the one who needs to avoid ten-dollar words. I more-than-occasionally forget that the problem cannot be other people. And I worry about conversations before I have them, which I do not recommend.

Whatever simulation you are playing out is obviously false; you’re making it up in your head. And even if you are “smart enough” to forecast precisely how that conversation is with your mailman, boss, or ex-lover is going to go down, so what? You still have to talk to them.

Some conversations result in beautiful harmony. Some are awkward noise. Others can feel like a labyrinth. Sometimes you can slow things down to find each other again. Such are conversations. Such is life. Just start the cycle, it will be over eventually.

I don’t recommend worrying about conversations after you have them either, but I don’t have a Post-It about this, because I don’t have this problem. Having had them, I am grateful for all the words we’ve shared. What matters is that we’re communicating.