Be the one not talking

To learn about yourself, keep talking

Life is short; let's not waste another minute being deaf to the beauty of the people we know.
–Marcia McReynolds

It's energizing to be the one talking. No human is exempt from the need to be heard. But in conversation, holding the conch has a catch: every second you are speaking, you are not listening. To learn about yourself, keep talking. To learn about the universe, be the one not talking.

For some humans, talking is thinking. Talking adds structure to events, brings shape to unformed ideas, and sifts insights from emotions. Talking is a forum to unlatch from secrets (Secrets are like termites). Talking is an alternative to violence in conflict (Bring your adversary closer). Talking is useful.

Listening is where you postpone your own agenda, shift away from your cluster of narratives, and delve into other universes called humans. Listening is a way to enact empathy, by witnessing without judgment and offering the gift of attention. But listening requires energy and is somewhat less delicious than talking.

Being selfish creatures, you would think humans would be listening-obsessed. Some of you are. You live in ravenous pursuit of the wisdom your own bodies could never produce, a pathology known as curiosity. I am grateful for you.

For the rest of us, the tendency to hold and squeeze the conch is potent. I am reminded that a conch is a shell. You can also put it to your ear, and listen.