It's probably not about you

Even your self-titled memoir is not about you

You’re never the main character in other people’s stories.
You’re at best a featured player, a walk-on, or an extra.
When someone is acting in a way you don’t understand,
You should know: it’s probably not about you.

All humans lug around a collection of stories.
Some inherited, some ill-gotten, some earned.
Humans are projection machines
Who project stories onto other people.

When folks accept the light of your deepest stories;
This is the basis of connection.
Some folks illuminate the stories you most long to share;
That is the foundation of love.

But you don’t love the person, exactly.
You relish the feelings they give rise to in you.
Similarly, you don’t hate the person, exactly.
You are in resistance to the friction between you.

In full-throated conflagration
With a person you’ve known for 10 years
Who is screaming: “You ruined my life,”
Even at that moment, it’s probably not about you.

So be the one not talking and listen.
The current political crisis is not about you,
The scandal in your community i…