Stop calling people smart

And other lessons from lying children

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.
–Mark Manson

When you tell someone they are smart, you hand them a trophy that needs protecting forever. In a now-famous experiment, Dr. Carol Dweck discovered just how heavy that trophy can be.¹

The experimenters doled out two flavors of feedback after a task: identity feedback (“you're smart,” “you're talented”) or effort feedback (“you worked hard,” “you kept going”). The results were surprising.

The students who got identity feedback started choosing easier problems to solve. In contrast, the effort feedback group picked harder problems and eventually outperformed the other group. Most damning: when given an easy opportunity to lie about their performance, the identity feedback group was far more likely to do so.

“Smart” is something you have or you don't. You can’t fail without risking the trophy. The identity feedback students played it safe, avoiding anything that might damage their sense of self.

Both groups are drawn to praise, but the flavor of praise matters.

You protect that stone like it’s a living being
But it is not a living being
Stones do not grow
–Let go the chisel

Effort is different than intelligence, because it can include failure. You can work all week on something and still get the wrong answer—that’s what learning is. Effort is not a thing you can have, nor is it a thing you can lose.

When you praise effort, you describe without defining. It is available to everyone.

So if you want to pay someone a compliment, praise their effort, not their identity.

• You’re naturally good at x → You must work hard at x

• You’re a genius → You approached that problem with confidence

• You’re so kind → You noticed when I was struggling

• You’re stylish → You put thought into that outfit

• You have a gift → You’ve practiced a lot

Effort feedback deals in verbs. Intelligence feedback deals in nouns, and nouns can crystallize around you like a stone. Praise the action, not the label. Because stones do not grow.

1. Carol Dweck, “Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.